Damn it!!!!
What is wrong with me ?
Why cannot it be simple for once ?
Why I'm so crazy ?
I've a new choice to make in my life but I don't think this is reasonable. I want to live at last as I like the person that my heart and my soul has chosen. And for the moment must admit, I'm not really good choices. My heart drifts away and I don't know what to think. I really think too much. But what to do with his feelings strangle me and make me choke. Why am I so different from others? I no longer understand myself. Have I understood at least once? I don't know, I never know.
I make many mistakes. I don't know why this last night this morning when I'm lying ( at 6am ), I thought back to my first love, the one I spun left. I liked it more than anyone. I thought back to his time spent in the school corridor, hands in hands. We weren't afraid of anything and I changed her eyes on me destroyed me and continue again and again. Whenever I see his name appear on my computer screen, it's as if everything came back into memory. Why is it always me to destroy? I don't ever let go of love. I always fear that takes away the people I love.
Je voudrais seulement pourvoir être comme tout le monde. Pouvoir aimer les gens qui sont là pour moi. Quand je repense à ses mots (Elle), je comprends mieux ce qu'Elle voulait dire. Je m'autodétruis par peur de mes sentiments. Je ne veux pas choquer, je ne veux pas blesser. Mais à force, je meurs peu à peu et personne ne voit rien. Personne n'en saura jamais rien. Je me laisse couler entres ses eaux salées qui fendent mon cœur. Banale histoire sans importance. Plus rien ne compte, je reste là et je regarde les heures défilées et ma vie passée comme un éclair dans les yeux de ceux qui m'aiment.
I want to tell the truth about me ( and not about Jane...). Maybe Xmas or maybe this moment is the good for me to be pride and free.
Je vous salue, Marie pleine de grâce ;
Le Seigneur est avec vous.
Vous êtes bénie entre toutes les femmes
Et Jésus, le fruit de vos entrailles, est béni.
Sainte Marie, Mère de Dieu,
Priez pour nous pauvres pécheurs,
Maintenant et à l'heure de notre mort.
Amen.